More guests

FRANK DECARO

and

CASEY WILSON

I have slept with one of these people.

Can you guess which one?

Oh, wait. Never mind. I slept with both of them.

Vagina Dreams

Last night I fell asleep on the sidewalk. Woooops! I accidentally ODed on alcohol, chips and pills. Not sure which ones but the blue kind. Me and Molly were having a great old time! We have a new kind of tickle game where I bury my head in between her legs for hours at a time. I love tickling my sister (not just cause she is black she is my family once again not because she is black). Molly was all STOP BITING. And I was all FUCK YOU I AM GOING FOR A WALK and I did. And I fell asleep. Ha ha ha. Aren't stories fun?

Rob Corddry

My ex-husband, Rob Corddry is going to be at my show on Thursday.
I will try not to beat him up.


SHOWGIRLS: THE BEST MOVIE EVER MADE. EVER!
4 NIGHTS ONLY
Thurs. June 5th at 9:30pm | $5 - Special guest Rob Corddry
Thurs. June 12th at 9:30pm | $5
Friday June 20th at 8pm | $8
Friday June 27th at 8pm | $8

UCB Los Angeles
5919 Franklin Ave (btw Tamarind & North Bronson)
323-908-8702 | tickets here http://losangeles.ucbtheatre.com/shows/910

Yo! What the fuck y'all!

Sorry I haven't written. JAIL! ha ha ha ha! I can't believe I had to spend time in jail. I mean come on, how many freaking or fucking times do I need to tell you - I am not a whore. I AM A DANCER. (PS. I really like "Dancing with the Stars.") Anywhooo. I was wearing a sexy dress the other day and I got bitten by the horny dog. (Not a real dog. I just get horny some times...as a former prostitute is want to to. he he he WANT!) So I was like I am gonna get my frig on. So I slipped into a Dairy Queen (I love those motherfucking Blizzards!) And I was just gonna rub one out in the ladies room. Well wouldn't you know I saw a very handsome man in uniform and I asked him (nicely) will you fuck me?

Apparently that was a POLICE uniform not a DAIRY QUEEN uniform. Wooops! And guess what folks...asking a cop to fuck you is some sort of crime.

When is it enough?

I wonder how old is too old to strip...

25?
35?
45?

I don't care what they say. I am not too old.

Crack and Special K are not friends

You guys. Crack and Special K do not mix. For reals. My shit looks like a snickers bar covered in seaweed. That is fucking gross. Molly is mad at me 'cause I took a dump in the dishwasher. EXCUSE ME! But I didn't even know we had a dishwasher. Hello! How can this be my fault?

I just want to be loved.

Time to Think

I just woke up!

Can you believe it? The truth is I am surprised I even slept. Last night I fell in love.

I met this hot dog vendor. It was about 3 am (well I guess I fell in love today! HA HA LOL- PS LOL means "laugh out loud" WHEEE!) and I say this small man pushing a cart filled with hot dogs. I ran up to him and asked him if I could have one. I didn't have any money on me but I offered to give him a lap dance. He told me the hot dogs were 2 days old and I could eat as many as I wanted.

Isn't that amazing?

I ask for one hot dog and he gives me the world (of hot dogs).

I have to run. I have the shits.

Ugh

Jesus Christ. Have you ever been awake for 7 days? It is not pretty. But you get to watch a lot of TV.

Haiku

I cease to struggle
as I drown in frustration
graceful surrender

Get excited!

And get excited!



This June in Los Angeles!

Yikes

My vagina broke. It literally just fell off. Man lemme tell you - that shit looks nasty when it's outside your body. It's like a bald wig.

HAPPY EASTER!

Motherfucking Ennui

Holy shit, y'all. I am totally depressed. I guess it is just winter ennui. Right? What the fuck? Nothing makes me happy anymore. Not chips. Not fajitias. Not painting my nails. Not even dancing. Not even motherfucking dancing. ::sigh:: I am not a whore...oh who am I kidding. I am a whore. I was a crack whore and that was a fact. And now I am a stripper. That is a whore with a G-string. This is a hard life. Sometimes I wonder if this is hell is our time on earth.

Maybe I will try to tickle Molly to feel better.

Well Molly is not here but that bitch bought us some motherfucking pudding cups. Chocolate and vanilla. Just like us! Ok. Things are getting better!